Modern Meal Mistakes: The Double Don't

I'd hate to look like a snob who thinks bad food only existed in the past. We certainly have our fair share of it around these days. So I thought it would be fun to have a monthly glimpse at modern foods or food-type products that might make it into this blog twenty years from now. Given the popularity of the infamous KFC Double Down, I thought it would be a good place to start.

For those new to this particular sandwich, here is the description from KFC:

"The new KFC Double Down sandwich is real! This one-of-a-kind sandwich features two thick and juicy boneless white meat chicken filets (Original Recipe® or Grilled), two pieces of bacon, two melted slices of Monterey Jack and pepper jack cheese and Colonel's Sauce. This product is so meaty, there’s no room for a bun!"

And here is what it's supposed to look like:

We've got problems when even the picture on the website looks unappetizing, but we're feeling adventurous and decide to give it a whirl. We go through the drive thru so that we aren't seen by too many people. We're told by the employees at the cash register that they sell about 70 a day to people who are just curious. The total cost with tax is $7.83. For just the Double Down. Somebody somewhere is getting a big bonus for thinking this one up.

Finally time to chow down!



Oh, KFC. How I haven't missed you. And now - the big reveal!!!


A picture speaks a thousand words, and all of them are swears. Seriously - what is that? I was hoping I'd be able to just pick the cheese off or something if it was gross but it's definitely there for keeps. It also looks like there's a little mutant leg sticking off the top piece of chicken.

Well, time to dress it up with a nice plate. See if that helps.

The lack of flash makes the neon cheese stand out a little less. Definite improvement. Unfortunately it still smells a little like wet newspapers. I think it's the pepper jack cheese. Smells off or something. Didn't KFC used to smell good? I seem to remember it smelling yummy when I was a kid. Hmmm.

Well, here we go then!

The verdict:
GROSS. The first bite wasn't so bad. The taste didn't really sink in. It was just crispy and greasy. Then my taste buds perked up. Rubbery weird tasting cheese. Overcooked bacon. And SALT. I don't understand this. Why is there so much salt? Is that all people want to taste anymore? I feel bad for the Colonel. He spent all that time figuring out his secret mix of spices and seasonings and they've gone and thrown all this salt in so you can't taste it anymore. Is that to stop people from stealing the recipe? Cause it would throw me off. We decided we could make a tastier version of the Double Down, because really - the concept isn't that bad. The execution just sucks.

All in all, not the worst thing in the world. In fact, here are some things that I like less than the Double Down:
1. Frozen peas
2. Punches to the face
3. Norwalk virus attacks

And here are some things I like more:
1. Wieners
2. Airport security lineups
3. Getting poo on my hand when changing a diaper

So now you know how much I love frozen peas. Actually I think the worst thing about the Double Down is the after taste. It really stays with you. And of course you are immediately thirsty. Don't reach for that Coke though. The Modern World has provided an even better antidote -

The President is always thinking of you! And only $1.39 a bottle. Much better value than the sandwich it's curing. Two sips and you're in tip top shape.

Next week we celebrate Halloween with another frightening retro eat!